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In Peter Kay's infamous spoof Britain's Got The Pop Factor, there was a character called R Wayne who made it to the live finals of a TV singing contest courtesy of his grandmother's death. After initially being rejected at Bootcamp, pop guru Pete Waterman burst into the old girl's funeral to offer the young singer a second shot at fame. Kay's pinpoint and hilarious attack pricked a hole in a hundred X Factor/Britain's Got Talent sob stories - and might have deflated the entire TV talent show industry. Maybe it would have done, if it hadn't been for Susan Boyle.

A 48-year-old spinster from Blackburn, West Lothian with bushy eyebrows and wispy brown hair,